How to Help a NICU Mom: The 5 S’s of Real Support

A critical event like a sudden birth early on in a pregnancy creates the need for support from others. Family and friends may rush in to assist the couple. Maybe they make phone calls or send texts with “thinking of you” messages and offers for prayers. Some may take siblings and babysit while you’re in the hospital. Beautiful flowers and prayer cards are delivered. Casseroles and desserts may arrive at the house in hopes that you won’t have to worry about your next meal.

Though the truth is, many times people don’t know what to do. They may hear your story and feel deeply sad for you and the baby. They may be left with a feeling of helplessness.

“What would they even need right now? What could I possibly even do?”

As the mother of a micro preemie—albeit 21 years ago now—I found myself in desperate need of help after my water broke abruptly around 24 weeks. It was a scary, confusing, and uncertain time.

It didn’t end at the birth. The need for a helping hand went on for 74 NICU days, and then there was the adjustment to home life and three years of outpatient services that were needed to ensure his health and physical development.

When time drags on during a medical crisis, support can dwindle. Naturally, people go on with their own busy lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t care—it’s just that their time and attention get pulled in different directions. They are well-meaning, but they have their own priorities, so less and less time becomes available to help.

You may even find that you feel like you are burdening others, so when asked, you may deny the need:

“Oh, I’m okay. We will figure it out. Don’t worry about it.”

Sometimes after asking for help and being turned down, you can end up feeling rejected, which makes you withdraw instead of reaching out to someone else.

You may end up thinking:

“I just need to do it all by myself. I don’t want to bother anyone.”

So it’s a two-fold problem: people don’t always know what to do and they are busy themselves, and you may struggle with asking for help for a number of reasons.

You end up feeling lonely in the pain and the grief, overstressed and trying to manage everything alone. Overworked and headed straight for burnout, it eventually takes a toll on your body and mental health.

So what’s the answer?

What can we do as mothers, friends, and family to help when there is a NICU birth?

In my position now, I can look back and remember what meant the most to me — the things that kept me going and the things that stayed with me years after.

So I compiled a list for moms going through this now and for those who may know someone who is in the middle of the storm.

Speak up

Just acknowledging the fact this happened can go a long way. Offer condolences and ask questions without being afraid to step into your emotions so that they might have a safe place to process their feelings in any way. This can be so meaningful.

Show up

Just the presence of family and friends during critical periods can make all the difference. A hug, a smile, a shoulder to cry on is invaluable. Bring the casserole and dessert with you too!

Stick around

Grief doesn’t stop at birth or after the NICU stay. You are needed well past the critical period. If you are willing to babysit and let the couple have a night out, that is even a bigger gift!

Soothe

Gifts that offer soothing to the mother can be so comforting. Maybe it’s a blanket with the baby’s name engraved. Go ahead. Don’t hesitate thinking of a potential loss. It will be savored no matter what.

A pair of comfy socks and robe for mom. A spa day with an offer to babysit when things settle so that she has a chance to self-care. A bigger gift can also be meaningful, like a porch swing with a dedication to the baby on it — a remembrance of this journey for years to come.

Sacrifice

Love equals sacrifice. If you love, show it in your actions. This is the time to be there when you say you will—to give a little more, to love a little deeper.

Believe me. It will change lives and it will be remembered.

When we Speak up, Show up, Stick around, Soothe, and Sacrifice — we offer more than support.

We offer a Safe Space for healing.

So remember the Five S’s when our loved ones are going through a challenging time. It will mean so much—and it could make all the difference in someone’s world.

Waste no more time.

Guest Blogger ~Sharon Rose

A special thank you to those who stood by me during that season—your presence, love, and sacrifices helped shape this reflection.

If you are seeking support for the challenges of premature birth or Maternal Mental Health please reach out to schedule an appointment.